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Chapter 17: Confessional

So this is it. This where my soul went when Emi released my heart... this is the World of Light. It's so pretty here, but... there are so many people here. I guess that's a good thing, that there were so many good souls. And they look happy to be here. But the float around like ghosts, transparent and dressed in white.

They seem to know who I am, what I am. I hear them murmur my name, "Karen, Karen," like some strange initiation and I wonder if they do this for every new soul. They do not. New souls arrive all the time, and the ghosts do not murmur their names.

I am special.

I know Emi is good now. I can sense her heart. It is of the light now, but it is scarred. Just as Riku's is. They have similar hearts. I know they are trying to find MY heart, I can sense it in their hearts. I realise that in this place, I can sense the intentions of every hearts... it's a little bit confusing if I let it go unchecked, but I am able to control it very quickly.

I know Emi regrets her actions, and I forgive her. She wouldn't have killed me if she hadnt' been possessed. All she wanted was to see her father and she got wrapped up in something beyond her control. I forgive her.

I know Sora is angry at Emi, and a little angry with Riku because he is not angry with Emi. I understand why Sora is angry with Emi. Sora and I have similar hearts.

I am special. Without me, the universe will be corrupted.

I realise something. I do not want this burden, but I must take it.

It is my fate.

~

The next morning, Sora, Riku and Emi carried Karen's body to the Gummi ship. She lay lifeless in Sora's arms. They weren't sure if it was... okay to bring her, but Emi wouldn't let them leave her behind. She didn't want anything else to happen to her.

Yuffie, Leon, Cid and Aerith saw them off. It was a somber event, similar to a funeral procession. Sora lead the group, Riku and Emi walking side-by-side, step for step, and Yuffie, Leon, Cid and Aertih following them one after another in the gray, rainy light.

There were no good-byes said. Too many had already been said the few days they'd been in Hollow Bastion. Sora lay Karen in the on-board sleeping area, nothing more than a bunk bed tucked into a hole in the wall at the back of the Gummi ship. Emi sat at the end of the bed, determined to never let Karen out of her site again.

Sora piloted and Riku sat somberly in the co-pilots seat. It was a long and silent trip to Disney Castle...

... and to no avail. King Mickey wasn't at his home, but Sora and Riku anticapated this. Sora was happy to see Donald and Goofy again, though, and Queen Mickey, Daisy and Chip and Dale. But they left empty handed, with not even a clue of where the king was.

Sora was understandably frustrated.

"I don't get it," he whined as the climbed back aboard the Gummi ship. "Why does he want us to do this all by ourselves? Is it some sort of test?"

"I'm sure he has his reasons," sighed Riku, settling into the Gummi ship. "He usually does. And they are usually good reasons."

"Yeah, you have a point. I guess."

Emi had stayed behind with Karen while the boys went out. She walked into the cockpit, looking very sleepy. She hadn't slept very well the night before, as was expected. She had slept lightly, in and out, and when has slept there had been nightmares.

And then there was that silly hallucination... Riku wouldn't have kissed me as he walked past, would he have? she thought to herself.

"I thought of something while you all were gone," she said, wearily. Riku swung the chair lazily her way.

"And what's that, Emi?" he asked.

"My keyblades.. I wonder if I can still use the ones Xemnas gave me... I'm afraid to try, I'm afraid to use them. But he took the data out of my soul that allowed me to use the ones my father gave to me... the ones Xehanort programmed for me... so what should I do?"

"Try using the blades Xemnas gave you," said Sora.

"You seriously think I should? I mean... Karen.. I..."

"Just try it."

"Okay," she sighed. "Stand back."

Of course, Sora and Riku were sitting and couldn't stand back. Nevertheless, they both leaned back in their seats. Emi's left wrist was splinted where Karen broke it.Emi had refused all magical healing, choosing instead to live with the temporary pain of the battle, as sort of an atonement.

But, Emi didn't want to summon Flutter By.. the blade she had used to release Karen's heart. It was strange what such a cheerful looking blade could do...

Trainwreck jumped into Emi's hand, causing her to wince in pain. She put it away, holding her wrist to her chest. She sucked in a breathe through her teeth. Riku got up and held out his hand.

"Let me see your wrist, Emi," he said. Emi hesitated, but put her hand in Riku's. Riku examined her wrist and then stated that she couldn't fight in this state.

"We've got to heal this magically before something happens. You never know when a battle is going to arise, and you need to be in top shape, or you might cost us the battle," he explained.

"I've already cost us the whole universe... let me live with the pain," Emi said quietly. Bitterly.

"You have to live with other pain, right now. Let me heal the physical pain. At least your wrist, please," Riku begged.

Emi sighed. "Fine, for you. Because I don't want to make battling any harder for any of us."

"Cura," he said gently, and a green glow enveloped Emi's wrist. It was healed and Riku unwrapped the bandages.

"Thank you," Emi told him, flexing her wrist.

"Try summoning the blade again," Riku urged. Emi nodded her head hesitantly.

"It hurts more than my wrist," she told him.

He shrugged.

"If you keep doing it, you'll grow used to it. Don't let the pain hold you back from your mission. Find Karen's heart and bring it back to her. And then.. we all go and close the door, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember. Since you guys couldn't find the King, what are we going to do?" asked Emi, leaning against the door frame. Riku sat back down in the co-pilot's seat and swung around to face the console.

"I'm not sure yet. We have to get to Kingdom Hearts somehow... and after that, I don't know..." Sora sighed.

~

The on-board computers went haywire. Sora, Riku and Emi stared in disbelief as the screens flickered. The flashes and random data popped up. Sora tried to fix it, tapping away at the keyboard.... and just as suddenly as it started, it stopped.

All the screens went black. All of the lights in the Gummi ship went out, and they could hear the ship's engine power down.

"Oh, crap," groaned Sora, as the ship began to fall. It knocked Emi off her feet and she screamed "Karen!". She leapt up to go get her friend.

"Wait, Emi, come back," Riku called after her. But Emi was already gone.

The lights came back on a few seconds later, and the engine started up and they were floating again. Emi came back, looking a little green. "Karen’s fine," she announced.

"Good," said Riku. "Are you all right?"

"I’m fine, it’s just that I think I got a little motion sick when the ship dropped," Emi explained.

Sora was staring at the screens blankly. Emi’s gaze followed his and her mouth dropped, and when Riku turned and was shocked when he saw the screens. They were all black, but in tiny white letters, each screen said...

"Traverse Town"

Then, all the screens went back to normal as suddenly as they had went crazy.

"Well, that’s it then," said Sora with a smile. "I guess we are going to Traverse Town."

He started to tap in the coordinates to set their path.

Emi said that she was going to go sit with Karen, and stepped out of the cock-pit.

They started flying after a few minutes. Sora was smiling. "It was to be a sign," said Sora. "Our answer is in Traverse Town."

"Yeah," said Riku. He wondered what in the world they were going to find in Traverse Town... what could there be? He slouched down low into his seat, remembering that was the place Maleficent had first convinced him to turn his heart to the shadows. Not such a good memory for him... but Sora was full of happy memories of that place. That is where he had first met Donald and Goofy, and Leon and the others.

Riku stretched out his arms and said "If Emi doesn’t mind, I think I’ll go take a nap. She should probably sleep too. I don’t think any of us got much sleep last night..."

"Yeah, you do that. Send Emi up here, if she wants," Sora told him as he got up and started walking out of the cockpit. He found Emi sitting by Karen’s side in the sleeping area. There were tears rolling down her face, and she was looking silently at her friend.

She looked up at Riku as he entered. Riku has never seen such sad eyes before.

"What’s wrong?" asked Riku, unessacarily.

"She...she was all I had," Emi said quietly, looking back to Karen. Riku walked towards her and she added "She was.. the only person who could love me."

"That’s not true," said Riku, kneeling beside her. "Your father loved you."

"He sent me away. How is that loving me?" hissed Emi.

"He was doing dangerous research. He wanted you to be safe."

"He hated me because I looked so much like my mother. He couldn’t even look at me."

There was silence for a while. Riku didn’t want to say anything else to upset her. He couldn’t have stood himself if he had.

"I just can’t... believe that I..." Emi whispered. She closed her eyes and more tears rolled down. Riku reached up and gathered them with a finger.

"Please stop crying," he said softly. Emi swallowed, opening her eyes. "I hate it when you cry," he added. "Besides, she won’t be gone for too much longer."

"But what if... what if we can’t find her heart... what are we going to do.." Emi rambled. She covered her face with her hands. Riku reached up and took her wrists in his hands, pulling them away from her face.

"Please stop crying," he begged. Emi sniffed and gritted her teeth.

"You just don’t get it.... I’m alone now, Riku," she whispered.

Riku’s gaze pierced hers, searching for something... searching for the words. He had realised something then... something that maybe he realised back when they found her in the Bailey with Karen...

Riku had not been able to find anyone back on the island. None of the girls... understood...

"No, you aren’t," Riku whispered back. The words sounded far away and not even in his voice...

That’s why he wanted to find her, wanted to save her from the pain...

"You have me."

That’s why he couldn’t help himself but to comfort her when they found her, why he could not be angry with her, why he understood...

"I... I.. think... I love you," he whispered, looking down at her hands.

"What?" said Emi. Could she not hear his soft whisper, or did she not believe him?

He looked up at her and repeated "I think I love you."

"...Riku..."

A strange look came over Emi’s face.

"You...you aren’t alone. And... Karen isn’t the only one who could love you. Because I can... I do... and you have me," explained Riku. "That’s why I came to find you. I didn’t want you to suffer the same pain, I wanted to save you from that."

Emi began to cry again. She wasn’t herself lately...

Riku pulled Emi down by her wrists. She slid off the bed onto the floor in front of him, hanging her head. Tears fell from her face and onto her pants. Riku embraced her tightly, holding her to his chest as she began to sob gently. He cradled the back of her head gently and let her cry.

"How... how could you love me? I’m... such a horrible person," she said.
"I... I think it’s because we are alike. I can understand you, and you understand me. I think maybe... we are meant for each other, as hokey as that sounds," Riku told her. He managed to squeeze a small laugh from her and it made him so happy.

"I get it," she whispered. He circled his hands around and brought them to her face, tilting it upwards.

He leaned so close that he could feel the gentle breath coming from her lips on his.... it didn’t take too much to very gently brush his lips against hers.